Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Adulting is the Worst

Sam and I celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary this past week. We spent it at a cheese and dairy farm. No lie. A cheese tasting. Cause this is what you do when you get old- you enjoy foods that like you, get better with age. I was really excited about it! We blind taste-tested 18 different cheeses along with the regular popular flavors. I highly recommend it. If you want a fun date night- look up Heber Valley Artisan Cheese.

Here is Elder Wadley's e-mail this week:
You guys and your weird cheese deals haha! I would be pretty down to try some good cheese though! Glad to here that the alley and everything is doing good even though it is summer and everything!
Hey it is super weird and also super cool to hear about all the people that are leaving on missions and that are coming back! It is going to be so different when i get back with everyone back from missions or on missions and not at home! Going to be a really cool change though!
Well this week i was occupied. We had consejo de lĂ­deres this week and spent a lot of the week setting up for that and i also had a bunch of other things that i need to do as well and it has kinda been running all over the place and being stressed but it also has been pretty good! To be completely honest my feelings have been all over place this week haha! Well i have been stressed, bugged, sad, and all sorts of stuff that has made it a weird week. I have been thinking a lot about the mission and how much i have learned and all the people that i have met. And well you are right- i am never going to stop being a missionary, I will be a missionary my whole life but a real "mission" with the name badge and the experiences that come with that for these two years i will never get back. I have been as we say here "trunky" haha but not for home-for this mission. It is the worst. At the beginning of the mission you almost can't wait until you finish and you look at all the Elders with time in the mission and envy them because they are that much closer to going home. But as you get more into the mission and you learn to love the people and everything more you begin to feel like it is home and you don't ever want to leave. I am to the point that i love it here and i don't want to leave.  I want more time to be able to enjoy it and have more experiences. Once you get to this point though the time starts going even faster. I have been here for a lot of friends in the mission that have finished and i have known for awhile that this is how it goes, and its weird to think that its getting closer and closer to that day for me. The mission is the best and i wish it could last a lot longer than it is lasting right now!
Well sorry about that rant but i needed it to get that out there. Other than that the week was pretty stressful but it was good! We were also able to have some good lessons this week. My comp Elder Flores is a stud and he is helping me out a lot with stuff that i need to get better at! 
What else? Nothing really interesting haha! i am just trying to enjoy everything i can! I came to realization ( idont know if that is how you spell that) that i am getting too fat so i am going on a diet. HAHA! No but it is for reals i am going to try and eat a lot better! 
Well i think that is all for now! I love you!
Elder Wadley
I usually catch him online on his Saturday p-days, and I wanted to share our back and forth email exchange. It seems like change and aging seems to be the general theme of our lives right now.
What you are describing is one of the crappiest parts about being an adult. Change anxiety. :)
When you are a kid and you have a birthday, or no longer believe in Santa, or graduate from elementary school- each change is exciting and you don't think too much about time ticking or no longer being able to do things. We don't mourn the "lasts" when we are young like we do when we are old. 
You get older and start counting the lasts. Time flies when you don't want it to. Babies grow too fast. Vacations are never long enough. Our relationships here on earth are too short.
The key is trying to enjoy it in real time. Live in the moment. 

If you are depressed you are living in the past. 
If you are anxious you are living in the future. 
If you are at peace you are living in the present.
Lao Tzu

It's really easy to become anxious and panicked over time passing and a chapter of your life coming to an end. And I wonder if that is a tool Satan uses- to make us ineffective. We can't be happy or productive this way. 
The flip side of mourning the end of a life chapter- is looking forward to the next one.
Your dad is so good at this.
When I was in full panic mode- sending you on a mission, I knew it was the end of our family as we knew it. Everything will change for us now. You gone, Brendan going, then Shayne and by that time- someone could be married and begin their own life. 
I was so sad. 
Dad was excited. He knew what was in store for you. He looked forward to those changes and the good that comes from change. I see it now- but I also wish a little that we could just always have you all here with us.
This, of course, would deny me of the happiness of becoming a grandma- and other experiences that I know I will enjoy just as much as I love the chapter that I am in. 
Change is hard. But every good experience in this life comes with change. No caterpillar wants to cocoon up- but it would never emerge as a butterfly if it didn't. 
Sorry this is so long. 
I just see you going through the growing pains that come from maturing and adulting and it sucks. But you aren't alone- and I promise you, so many good things are coming in your life. Just try to stay in the present. Don't beat yourself up over your past- and don't squander today being worried about tomorrow. 
Love you. :)
 Man i am getting older haha i dont like it haha! But its true! Wow you are a good mom haha! Its super true and that what i have been trying to do this last little bit haha! It has been working and we have had good times and good lessons because of it!  (Jayden)
Being melancholy is an emotion that pairs well with gourmet cheese. FYI You might like cheese! Old people do. We also like rice and hamburgers. ;) (Mom)
I asked for rice the other day! I really love it now! (Jayden)
You are one knee brace away from becoming your father. (Mom)
Setting up for the leader's conference. I can hear his laugh in my head when I look at this one.
From Sister Calderon: a little nap after a long day in the mission office.
Walking to an appointment. Medellin, Colombia.


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