Tuesday, February 7, 2017

The Last One

I haven't gotten an email from Elder Jayden yet this week.
None of the Colombia moms have yet- we all assume it is due to transfers.
I am grateful for technology this way, the support I have had from other missionary moms has been indescribable.
It is a club of strong and wonderful women- who feel like they haven't done enough for their child, who rejoice in the success of other missionaries, grow to love companions they will never meet, and cry at the drop of a hat- for joy and sorrow. Sometimes both simultaneously.
As I have walked this path as a missionary mom, I have had many missionary moms reach out to me and walk beside me for a time.
I know that when things were hard, there were footsteps before me.
I hope now, drawing to the end of this experience I have earned the empathy to make a difference to new missionary mamas, and I hope that I have left good footprints.
It's hard, you guys. The whole two years (18 months) is hard.
I thought this last part would be nothing but explosive happiness, so it caught me off-guard at how emotional the homecoming is.
I sat on my couch Sunday night to type my e-mail to my boy in Colombia.
I didn't have much to say, and it felt strange to know that I would just be seeing him soon.
"I painted the bathroom!" (delete, he will just see it)
"We got new snow." (delete)
"When are the next transfers?" (delete)
I tried to find the right balance of not being overly excited about his imminent return, and trying to focus on the work he is still doing his last week.

Then the weirdest thing happened. I went to hit "send" and I couldn't bring myself to do it. I realized then that this was my last email to him. The last one.
I didn't want this 3,000-miles-away-sweet-relationship with my boy to end.
I sat on the couch and had myself a mini breakdown for a few minutes.
Moms feel for their kids.
We are happy when they are happy, and sad when they are sad.
Part of my heart is pained with sadness for Elder Jayden leaving the people he has grown to love so much.
The other part is nervous to meet him again. Anxious for him to begin a life as an adult.
Yes, there is a portion of excitement too- but it is a weird mix of emotion, much like it was when he embarked on this adventure.
My husband had to remind me that it is all just change.
I don't deal well with change.
But, I didn't want things to change two years ago either.
I am so glad it did.
So here's to change. And strong mamas.
And boys who become men.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Running Out of Time

I probably have one, maybe two more posts left for this blog.
My amazing boy (man?) comes home a week from tomorrow.
I can't really put into words all of the things I am feeling.
I think my friend described it best when she said "it is just as exciting as the day of their birth, only better- because you already know them."
And just like his birth day- I have been nesting. Trying to get everything in order. Anticipating his needs as best I can, and really just trying not to let the butterflies in my stomach take over my whole day!
At the same time, my heart aches for him. Leaving the people he has grown to love so much over the past two years, and knowing, he and I, that he will never return to them. Oh, we will visit- but he will never return in the same capacity that he serves them now.
Here is Elder Jayden's e-mail this week:
Well this week i have learned something. It seems like i am learning a lot of things lately.
I have been able to see that even though i am leaving Colombia and all the people here the work moves forward. 
We are finally getting the area up and running and should be able to put down some baptismal dates this week. It seems like this always happens, i finally get really excited about our work and the area and everything and i have to leave right after that. 
SahagĂșn has really grown on me this last couple of weeks and i really have gotten to love the people and this place. I am really grateful for the opportunity to come here and be able to work. SahagĂșn is full of great people and good members! It is growing fast and i am sure it is going to be a really strong ward one day! 
Well this week went by fast and it has been crazy but i have really enjoyed it and i am sure this week will be even faster! 
Well kinda a dry week, no pictures.....sorry i will get some this week though! 
Love you!
Elder Wadley
Oh man. I am sorry to be *that* mom- but how amazing is he?
We had a little back and forth this week.
This made me cry.
I am so proud of you! And yes- the work goes on. Sometimes the Lord needs good people to get the ball rolling. It is frustrating to not immediately see the fruits of your labor, but when we are banking blessings from the Lord, it doesn't matter. He gives us full credit for being obedient and just doing His work, without complaint. I think sometimes we are even blessed more, when he asks us to do thankless things.
Will you be traveling back to the mission home this week?
this sunday i will be traveling:(
Oh man! That's going to be a long, sad ride.
I really can't believe all this.
Change is hard.
I am praying for you, because I don't know what else to do.
My heart is heavy- but also so excited.
it is hard haha to be honest i really is! 
There are a lot of good things to come home to though!
I am happy to hear you say that.
That is a healthy way to approach change.
And there are soooo many good things coming in your life. It is the decade of decision. You have so much support though, lots of friends and family waiting to walk you through it all. We can't wait to see you again!